


Darling, there is something you should know about your lover

by Aquien



Series: All my Darlings [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Character Bashing, Childhood Memories, Established Drarry, Fluff and Angst, Lily Evans Potter & Severus Snape Friendship, M/M, Marauders' Era, POV Alternating, Young Severus Snape, domestic drarry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-03
Updated: 2016-10-18
Packaged: 2018-07-19 22:14:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7379515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aquien/pseuds/Aquien
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Draco and Harry have moved into the Manor with their child, Lily. If Severus had known this was to happen, he might not have been so eager to quit his position as a Hogwarts Professor and move to the Manor as well. Not only does he have to deal with Potter on a daily basis, his fellow Gryffindors invade his home as well far too often. Worst of all though are the sort-of-grandparents; Sirius Black and Remus Lupin -they trigger memories Sev wanted to be forgotten and that are now instead living in his head day and night.</p><p>Meanwhile, Harry and Draco are all wrapped up in the confusing wonderment that is parenthood...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. July

**Author's Note:**

> A/N added 13 Jan 2017: I'm suffering from incredible writer's block regarding this fic. I talked with a friend about it, and figured our it's probably due to Severus Snape being my absolute favorite character, so I get all perfectionist when I try to write using his voice. I just won't be satisfied. So, even if I don't want to admit defeat and abandon this one, before you start to read you should know it's "paused" for the moment as I try to focus on other writings to get over my writer's block. Also, I have this thought that I just might start this one over from the beginning, writing Snape's story from Harry's viewpoint... But that's just a maybe. I really, really do want to write this story in some way though. After I've gotten over this blockage I have right now.
> 
> ******
> 
> Okay, so some warnings and comments in regard to this fic are due, I think.
> 
> At first I thought I'd make this a completely Snape-centric fic, with Drarry only in the background and from only Sev's POV. As Drarry is my OTP, I found I cannot do that though :) Thus there will be these "interludes" throughout the fic, that are told from (mostly) Harry's POV.
> 
> I will give specific warnings at the start of the chapters that need it. The explicit rating is due to future chapters. I'm not sure about it though, but I let it stand for now. I will think more about the final rating once the story is finished.
> 
> Also, if you are a big fan of Sirius Black and/or James Potter, you're probably not going to like this fic. I'm not going to put either of them in a favorable light.
> 
> This fic jumps between POVs and also between different eras of time, I hope that it will not be too confusing.
> 
> English is not my first language, so ... you know the deal: there will be spelling errors and mistakes. Feel free to point them out to me.
> 
> If you take your time to comment, I am really grateful. It's nice to know what you think of what I write, it makes me want to write more. If you want to give any negative critique, they are more than welcome as well - just know that I'd prefer them to be constructive though, as that helps me learn and improve :)
> 
> I also want to apologize beforehand; the updates will not be frequent. I strive to update at least once a month, preferably more often, but I make no promises.

_ Beginning of June  
Severus' POV _

 

There were some things that Severus had had enough of to last him a lifetime. On the top of that list was children. A bunch of ingrates, each and everyone of them. Thinking they knew everything, expecting special treatment and having the nerve to think that they had the right to talk and disturb his classes. Chaos following them everywhere, disrupting the careful order that he cherished in his life. Even worse, making time to teach them, to correct papers and plan lessons, took away from him the precious time that he could have been spending on what he loved the most - research and development of new potions and better versions of old ones.

 

Following Lily’s death he had vowed to protect her child when Harry would rejoin the Wizarding world. That had been easiest done from the position as a Hogwart’s teacher. He had long ago decided though, that should he, against all odds, live to see the day when Voldemort was no more, he’d spend the rest of his life in his lab, away from most people but especially away from anyone not of age. As a personal favor to Minerva McGonagall he had agreed to stay at Hogwarts one more year, giving her the time to find a replacement teacher after Slughorn had decided to return to his retirement.

 

What he hadn’t anticipated though was that even after leaving Hogwarts, one Mr. Potter would still be around, living under the same roof as he. He had not expected to have to share his home with Lily’s son - who had, to make things even worse, brought along this tiny little human who did nothing but make noise and poop and whom he had so thoughtfully named Lily, making sure that Severus would hear the name of his long gone best friend several times a day. No, he had not expected Potter to bond with his godson, although in hindsight, he should have. Life seemed to be all about kicking him down, making his life as miserable as possible. Merlin forbid that he’d ever have some peace and quiet.

 

Technically, he didn’t have to stay at the Manor. He could have just gone to his own place, the small cottage in Wales that not even Lucius knew about. He kept it to have as a hideaway if need be, but the truth was that even though he appreciated his own company, he liked having someone around. People who knew to leave him alone most of the time, but who’d be there when he wanted to be reminded of the fact that he was a part of this world after all; that he still was alive. That he mattered. He scoffed at the thought. He didn’t like to admit wanting to matter to anyone, because that meant they mattered to him and what mattered would be lost. He always lost those who mattered.

 

The Malfoy’s had given him a home, a family, when he had needed it the most. They had not always seen eye to eye, and during the war he had been secretly betraying them, but as it was, they were family. It wasn’t like Lucius had been blind to Voldemort’s faults. It wasn’t like he didn’t understand Severus’ decision to become a double agent. There had been some words spoken out of hurt, but when it all came to an end, they were like brothers and would always forgive each other. So, he could have moved out of the Manor, but it was by now his home, just as much as it was the Malfoy’s. Just as much as it now was Potter’s and his and Draco’s scream-machine’s.

 

Besides, when the Manor had been renovated, Lucius had installed a state of art Potions Lab in what used to be the dungeons. It had been designed strictly following Severus’ own requests and designs and had just about everything he would ever need for his experiments. In addition, Narcissa grew more than a few common and uncommon herbs in her garden and greenhouse, meaning he had easy access to ingredients he otherwise would have to spend precious time acquiring.

 

This was why he found himself, one week after finally quitting his position at Hogwart’s, sharing a table at dinner with Potter. Who seemed to have gotten it into his head that it was somehow okay to insist that he would start to call him ‘Harry’. Even worse, Potter had taken the liberty to call him ‘Severus’, something that gnawed at Severus’ nerves.

 

“Pass the potatoes, will you, Severus?” Potter asked in a voice that suggested they were or friendly terms. Without a word in reply, Severus levitated said dish over to where he sat, glaring as the brat thanked him with a big grin.

 

He guessed he would actually have to make an effort to get along with Potter, as they were inevitably stuck with each other, but years of dislike and hate didn’t just disappear. He just wasn’t used to being cordial with the boy. At least he was what almost passed for a grown up now. Also, he seemed to have brought Severus’ godson happiness, something he at least could be grateful for. He watched them as they sat at the table, quietly talking about their plans for the evening. Draco made this small quirk with the corners of his mouth, that told Severus he was honestly amused and content. It was a soft smile, no pretense, not overdone. It shone with a sense of belonging and contentment.

 

“Master Draco, Master Harry,” a house-elf suddenly appeared at their side, bowing as she spoke. “Young mistress Lily is awake, wanting to be fed. You asked Memma to come tell you, yes?”

 

“That’s right, thank you Memma. We’ll be up shortly,” Potter was the only one that made a point of always thanking the house-elves. Severus had heard him and Draco have words about it the other day. Not what he would call a fight, but a disagreement. Miss Granger’s influence on Potter, no doubt.

 

The young couple excused themselves and then left the table to go and take care of their child.

 

“How’s the lab working out for you, Sev?” Lucius asked from the other side of the table.

 

“Good,” actually, it was working out better than good, but he didn’t want to seem too enthusiastic. Lucius just smirked and nodded, getting the message - he’d known Severus for a long time. Cissa smiled at him as well, and soon they were all emerged in a discussion of possible topics of research. While he and Cissa were in it mostly out of the scientific curiosity, Lucius brought an input of what sort of potions were actually needed and could be used for profit - not only the kind that would pay money, but the kind that just might be used to get some people to look the other way, or get them in a helping mood. The Minister of Muggle relations, for example, was said to have an in-law staying with her, that just couldn’t sleep and the healers refused to describe him more Dreamless sleep due to its addictive qualities. If Severus could improve on said potion, the Minister would surely be grateful and more apt to agree with a certain suggestion Lucius planned to present to the Ministry later in the fall.

 

As removing the addictive quality from Dreamless Sleep would be a challenge even for him, he was glad to make it his first, bigger project. Cissa promised to go through all the ingredient's he might need and make sure she had as many as possible growing and thriving, for Severus to use.

 

* * *

 

 

_ Mid-June _

_ Harry’s POV _

 

Harry was barely aware of someone tiny snuggling up against him. He tried to ignore it, wanting to continue sleeping, but felt himself waking up nevertheless. In their sleep, he and Draco had disentangled somewhat, now sleeping face-to-face, Draco’s hand loosely thrown up on Harry’s hip though and their legs still entangled. As he opened his eyes, he lay eyes on a happily cooing Lily, laying there in the small space in between them.

 

Noticing her Daddy waking up and looking at her, Lily’s cooing increased. She then licked her lips expectantly, turning her face expectantly toward Harry’s nipple. Sighing, Harry moved her a little bit closer, helping her to take a hold of his left nipple and start suckling. He still hadn’t gotten used to the feeling of a little person suckling his nipple happily. There was a little bit of roundness to his chest, but he was relieved that he hadn’t actually grown full breasts. The biggest change was to his nipples, but the Healer had assured him that it was temporary. The baby had to have enough to get a hold on.

 

As she ate, Lily drifted quietly back to sleep. Harry lay there for a while, admiring this little human being who had come into his life and stolen his heart. Well, she did of course have to share it with Draco. Watching her, he suddenly realized she hadn’t been there when they had fallen asleep. Had Draco woken up and moved her there from her crib? That wasn’t very likely, it always seemed to be Harry who woke up while Draco slept on, blissfully unaware of nightly feedings.

 

Careful not to wake Lily, Harry lift his hand to touch Draco’s shoulder, shaking it lightly. It took a couple of tries, but then Draco started to grudgingly wake up. Opening bleary eyes, he glared at Harry.

 

“What?” he demanded. Harry nodded down at Lily, signaling that he shouldn’t wake the baby.

 

“Did you move her here?” he whispered to his husband.

 

“No, what? You didn’t?”

 

“No. She wasn’t here when we fell asleep. How did she get here then, if it wasn’t you?”

 

“Memma?” Draco suggested, referring to the House-Elf they had chosen to be their main help in the care of their child. They didn’t want to put her care wholly in the hands of the elves, but had decided that some help was good to have. Hermione hadn’t liked it, of course, and had demanded that they at least would pay Memma, but the elf wouldn’t hear of it. Harry tried to reward her in other ways instead, and made sure to always thank her for her assistance. As a result, she kept shaking her head at him in disbelief and at times she had been downright suspicious of him, fearing that he’d try to trick her in order to free her from their service. 

 

“Why would Memma put her between us like this? What if one of us would have turned over to suffocate her?”

 

“I don’t know. Memma?” Draco called for the House-elf, who promptly appeared beside the bed.

 

“Sirs need Memma to help with Little Mistress, yes?” Memma was bowing deeply as she spoke.

 

“No, we were just wondering, did you put Lily in the bed with us?” Harry asked. Memma’s eyes widened, as she spotted the baby lying between them.

 

“No, sir, Memma did not! Little Mistress was asleep in her crib, yes she was. Memma would never move Little Mistress like that without telling Master Harry or Master Draco, no sirs!” the small elf sounded adamant. 

 

“How then did she end up here in our bed?” Draco demanded to know, sounding irritated. Harry knew he wasn’t really angry though. During the weeks that had passed after Lily was born, Harry had come to learn that Draco just was a real grump when awaken in the middle of the night.

 

“Memma doesn’t know, Master Draco sir!” the House-elf sounded distressed and Harry rushed to reassure her, making her stare at him with panicked eyes. Accommodating Hermione in his treatment of House-elves seemed like a good idea in theory, but somehow he always ended up making the situation worse.

 

“Could you just take her to her crib? Without waking her, if possible?”

 

“Memma can do that, Master Harry, yes she can,” apparently happy to get instructions, she apparated herself and Lily over to the nursery. The suddenly empty spot in their bed made Harry feel cold and oddly empty. He knew Lily was safely in the adjoined room, that they had made into a nursery, but he still felt her absence. Apparently sensing his distress, Draco drew him closer.

 

“Memma’s got her now. At least she fed, so you won’t have to get up to feed her for at least a couple of hours now, isn’t that so?”

 

“Yeah, probably not,” Harry couldn’t help sighing though. He felt Draco smile against his hair.

 

“You’re a real sap, aren’t you,” he asked teasingly. Harry answered with a poke to his husband’s ribs.

 

“I’d really like to take this further, but I’m afraid I need my sleep. As do you,” Draco sounded wistful now. He nevertheless brought their lips together in a lazy kiss, slowly tasting each other. With regret, they let go after a while though. Draco was right. They needed to sleep. Lily was a sweetheart, but she tended to be up every other hour, wanting to be fed, played with or to have her nappy changed. At times Harry was so tired he felt like he was walking in a permanent fog. He turned to his side, back against Draco who held him close. Soon, they were both sleeping again.

 

***

 

It felt like just a short moment later that he awoke again, this time still in the same position that he fell asleep in. At first, he didn’t know what had awaken him. Then he heard it again. A small, disgruntled, whining sound came from behind him. Carefully, he turned around. There was Lily again, laying in between them. The space had been even smaller this time, which had prompted her to complain. She quieted immediately when Harry turned though, as that meant more room for her. Cooing at Harry she nuzzled against him, licking her lips expectantly, apparently hungry again.

 

When she once again was fed and back asleep, Harry shook Draco awake. His husband grunted displeasedly, but then he lay eyes on Lily, laying there between them again and his eyes widened.

 

“I assume you didn’t bring her here this time either?” he asked. Harry shook his head. “Memma!” Draco called.

 

“Yes, Master Draco sir?”

 

“Lily’s here,” Draco nodded at the sleeping baby.

 

“Memma did not bring Little Mistress, no sir! Memma does not know how, Memma left Little Mistress asleep in crib, yes Memma did!” the house-elf sounded frantic again.

 

“If you could just take her back to her crib again then, and this time stay with her?” Harry suggested.

 

“Memma will do that, yes Master Harry sir!” Memma and Lily disappeared with a small flash. This time Harry was so tired he didn’t have the energy to speculate or talk at all, he just turned his back at Draco who spooned him up again. Within a minute, they were both asleep again.

 

***

 

 

Harry could have sworn he had just closed his eyes, but apparently he had had the time to disentangle himself from Draco again, laying on his back this time. The reason for him waking up was the same though - Lily was once again there between him and Draco, nuzzling her tiny nose against Draco’s midsection this time. Harry was just reflecting over the adorable picture they made when a pop sounded next to the bed and a frantic Memma appeared. At the same time Draco stirred awake, to Harry’s great astonishment.

 

“Little Mistress apparated Master Draco, Master Harry sirs! Memma did not have time to stop her no she did not. Memma did not let Little Mistress leave, Memma was watching yes she was, just like Master Harry suggested, yes sirs!”

 

“Calm down Memma,” Draco sounded tired. “What did you say, she apparated? She isn’t even a month old yet!”

 

“Memma think it is wild magic, yes she does, uncommon in such a small one, yes it is.”

 

“Wild magic? Our three and a half week old baby is using wild magic to apparate to our bed?” Harry couldn’t believe he had heard right. Sure, he had himself apparated up on the roof of his school using wild magic, but he had at least been ten years old then.

 

“Yes Master Harry sir, that she did. Memma is not lying, no sir!”

 

“I didn’t suggest you were, I just… What can we do?” he turned to ask Draco, only to find his husband as dumbstruck by the revelation as he felt. He turned back to Memma, the same question in his eyes directed to her now.

 

“I’s do not know Master Harry sir. You’s can set up apparation wards around nursery, yes you can, but that will stop Masters to apparate in there too, yes it will.” Memma sounded in distress for not being able to help.

 

Draco and Harry looked at each other, and then down at Lily. It was almost early morning by now and they had not gotten much sleep. Lily seemed content, snuggled tight between her parents.

 

“If…” Harry started, trying to make sure he was thinking clearly. “If she can apparate here at will, maybe she can apparate away as well, if one of us, well, turn around onto her or something…” he finished vaguely. He looked at Draco, who shared his worried expression, but was nodding at the same time.

 

“If Masters will allow Memma to speak, yes?”

 

“Sure you can speak, Memma,” Harry immediately answered.

 

“If Masters would allow it, Memma can put House-elves alerting spell on Little Mistress. House-elves taking care of Little Mistress’s and Master’s has used it long time yes, to keep track that Little One’s are not in danger, yes?”

 

“You can do that? Why haven’t you suggested it earlier?” Harry asked, astonished.

 

“Master Harry said you’s wanted to care for Little Mistress yourselves, Memma was only to help when absolutely necessary, yes so was Master’s wish, yes. Memma sorry if Memma did not understand, yes Memma is. Memma iron ears soon yes?”

 

“NO!” Harry interrupted her. “No ironing of ears. You did nothing wrong, Memma. The spell to alert you if she is in any danger would be really good, wouldn’t it?” he directed the question to Draco.

 

“Yes, it would,” his husband agreed. “And please, if you have any other useful House-elf-magic to use in taking care of Lily, please inform us.”

 

“Memma will do that, yes,” Memma said bowing as she cast a spell that made the air around Lily shimmer for a few seconds.

 

After they had dismissed Memma, they lay in bed all three of them. Lily didn’t seem to be hungry at the moment, seeming just about to fall asleep instead.

 

“So, is this how it’s going to be then? She’ll sleep here, with us. All the time?” Draco sounded torn as he considered the prospect.

 

“I guess. I mean, if she just apparates here anyway…”

 

“Won’t be much time for… the two of us then. I mean, together,” Harry blushed, as he understood what Draco was referring to.

 

“I guess not. Uhm, maybe we can think of something? I mean, in the morning. Right now I’m not sure I can think, period.”

 

“In the morning then.”

 

Harry was just about to fall asleep, when Draco spoke again.

 

“I think we might need a family meeting. On what to do. Not the, ahm, sleeping part, but if she can apparate to our bed from the nursery, who says where else she might apparate. We might have to consider putting up more, and stricter, apparation wards around the Manor.”

 

“Oh, I didn’t think about that!” Harry was quiet for a while, then a thought struck him. “What about now? She’s safe with us here now? We can sleep?” He and Draco both looked down on the sleeping baby.

 

“I’d think so,” Draco said after a while. “I think she just wants to be close to us right now. So she has no reason to apparate anywhere now, has she?” Harry nodded. True, Lily was still such a tiny little thing, she was probably not even aware of more of the world than her, Harry and Draco. Content with that thought, he dared to fall asleep. Soon, the room was filled with quiet snores as the three of them contentedly slept for the rest of the night.

 

* * *

 

_Severus' POV_

 

There had been a family meeting that morning. Apparently, the pooping scream-machine was now also apparating. Lucius was of course thrilled, going on and on about the future powers the youngest Malfoy would develop. The others were luckily more realistic though, realizing all the trouble an apparating baby might cause. There had been long discussions on how to keep Lily safe - the wards had been keeping anyone from apparating into the Manor, but not out, or within. Now the wards were being adjusted - no apparating out of the Manor any more, they would all have to either floo out, or walk out to the perimeter and apparate from there.

 

In addition, smaller wards were being put up to keep anyone from apparating to what they decided was dangerous places within the Manor - such were for example the kitchen with all it’s ovens, stoves and sharp object and the attic with all it’s clutter. This was also why Severus was now in the process of putting up wards around his laboratory, instead of working on his latest research. Ah, well, a kid apparating into the mixing cauldron would probably mess it up, so he might as well make sure that wouldn’t happen.

 

Spending the whole morning putting up, testing and retesting the safety-wards around his lab instead of making the tiny brat’s parents do it while he continued to work on his new project, thus had everything to do with not wanting said project ruined. It has absolutely nothing to do with said brat giggling happily at him from her Father’s lap during the meeting. Nothing at all. Severus spending time putting up the wards was purely practical.

 

***

 

_ July 20th  _

 

It was one of those days again. He could hear it as he left the lab for lunch and almost turned on the spot, figuring he wasn’t that hungry after all. What he heard was voices he wished he’d never had to hear again. The know-it-all and her red-headed git of a boyfriend were visiting. Severus sighed. It was like he had never left Hogwarts! Was this how the rest of his life would be like? Running into his former students in what was supposed to be his own home? Potter was one thing - however annoying it was, Severus figured he had no choice but learning to get used to Lily’s son and grandchild. Getting used to the memories their green eyes brought him of a childhood he’d rather forget. Getting used to a small army of Gryffindor’s invading his home on the other hand, was way too much in his opinion.

 

Then again, there was the fact that not going to lunch as he’d planned, would mean he would be hiding in his own home. He would be letting them influence his actions in a place where they were supposed to be guests and he was supposed to feel comfortable. Straightening up and putting on a haughty mask of derision, he strode into the dining room.

 

The older Malfoy’s were not there. Draco was seated at his usual place, a stoic expression on his face as he regarded his husband and child on the other side of the room, the later being held by the bushy-headed Granger. Knowing his godson, Severus also knew how hard this was for him. Draco might actually be all sappily in love with Potter - hard as that might be to believe, but then those kind of emotions weren’t Shis specialty - and thus forced to endure Potter’s friends as well, but that didn’t mean he liked it. Times may have changed but not that much. It might be politically profitable to like Mudbloods and people like the Weasley bunch, but that didn’t change a whole lifetime of believes you had been brought up with. He admired Draco’s effort though. Quietly he sat down, nodding in acknowledgment and then glancing over at the Gryffindor’s with a small grimace that said it all. Draco smirked in response. No words were needed between them; he knew Draco was relieved to have him there, to have his wordless support in his contempt of the Gryffindor invasion of their home. Lucius and Narcissa had clearly decided to find better things to do.

 

When lunch was served, the Gryffindor’s quieted down somewhat and when they turned around to notice his presence, he noticed to his satisfaction a faint blush on Granger’s cheeks while the Weasley brat paled. He gave them his best, haughty look of contempt before pointedly turning to his food and ignoring them all. That was until Potter decided to try and make friends again.

 

“How is the work going on improving the Dreamless sleep potion, Severus?” he asked, clearly trying - and failing miserably - to sound interested. Severus huffed in response, which he figured was more than Potter deserved. Clearly jumping on the “lets all be friends”-train though, Granger put on a big smile and gathered the courage to address him as well.

 

“Harry tells me you’re working on making it less addictive. I’m wondering how you plan to do that, without lessening the effect of the potion? As you know, the main ingredient…”

 

“Yes, I do know,” he interrupted her - imagine the nerve, her trying to actually lecture him on how the potion was made! To his satisfaction, she must have realized it as well as her blush deepened.

 

“I just meant… How are you planning to do it? The addictive reagent of the leaves can be removed by boiling them instead of drying, but that ruins almost all the calming effects of them as well. I have read that…”

 

“I’m sure you have,” She interrupted her again. “As you have not chosen to become a Potion’s Master, however, I can assure you of the fact that there are still knowledge that you do not have access to. As to how I intend to do it, that is none of your business. Now if you excuse me, I am here to eat.” With that, he pointedly turned to his food. He heard the Gryffindor’s sigh in unison, and for a while they were blissfully quiet. That didn’t last, but at least they left him alone for the rest of the meal.

 

***

 

_ July 31th _

 

He had a headache, and something was telling him no potion would be able to cure it. How could it, as the reason for his headache just wouldn’t go away. Gryffindors. There were Gryffindors everywhere. You wouldn’t be able to throw a random hex around without accidentally hitting at least one. Not that he had tried. He just fervently wished he’d come up with an acceptable reason to.

 

It was Potter’s 19th birthday today, and of course his friends had decided he needed a party big enough to fill the whole Manor. Apparently the bloody git had never had the chance to “celebrate it in a satisfactory manner”, and they were thus now adamant to make up for that. Lucius and Cissa had wisely made the excuse of Lily being too young for such a crowd, and had taken it upon themselves to “sacrifice” the chance of attending the party, instead taking their grandchild on her first trip to Paris, claiming that Lily needed to upgrade her wardrobe. Severus sighed. He wished he had gone with them, but his research was in a delicate stage and leaving even for a day just wasn’t possible.

 

He had intended to stay down in his lab the entire time, with the door locked and a strong silencio cast, but to his chagrin he had run out of manca-roots. The good news was that Narcissa grew them in her greenhouse and he just had to go there to get some - he knew Cissa wouldn’t mind - but as the wards against apparating was around the whole greenhouse as well as the garden and the lab, he would have to walk there. Which meant that he would with certainty run into at least some of the blasted Gryffindors.

 

He had barely made it up to the hallway, when he was halted in his steps by a taunting voice he knew far too well.

 

“Well, well, well - if it isn’t Snivellus Greasy himself! Come to join the party Snivelly?”

 

“Shit, Sirius! Behave yourself!” Came a second voice, sounding alarmed. Severus hadn’t turned around to face the pair he now knew was standing there, just behind him.

 

“Honey, I’m sure old Snivel here can take a joke. Can’t you?” the last part was directed at him, so he drew a deep breath and made sure his face showed nothing but contempt as he turned around to face Sirius Black and Remus Lupin. He regarded them both coldly - Lupin was holding a hand at Black’s shoulder, who was swaying lightly. He snorted in disgust - it was still early and the mutt was already sauced enough not to be able to keep himself upright without help?

 

“When you develop a brain capable of producing a true joke, let me know. Until then, please keep your putrid self far from me. I have actual , important work to do, unlike others who apparently think getting wasted at the party of a teenager is something worthwhile,” with that he turned around and strode out. In the corner of his eye he saw how Lupin’s grip of Black’s shoulder hardened, as he held his partner back. Black was sputtering incoherently, like he was the offended one. When the door closed behind him, he heard Lupin’s voice, apparently trying to calm Black down, persuading him not to follow Severus and pick a fight. He sneered at the thought of the drunken prat trying to pick a fight with him. Part of him wished Black would do just that - give him a reason to hex him into next week. The only reason that wasn’t happening though, was Lupin. Severus sighed. He didn’t want to think about Remus Lupin.

 

***

 

That night when he went to bed, he occupied his thoughts with the progress he was making on the Dreamless sleep potion. He was almost certain he had it right this time, and that he soon would have a non-addictive version ready. As he closed his eyes, he stubbornly refused to let his thoughts wander to any other subject than his work.

 

His dreams, however, was not under his control.

 

***

 

_ March, 1975 _

 

He heard her laughter before he saw her. He never knew anyone with such a genuine laugh. If he had been of the laughing sort, the mere sound of it would have made him join her. As it was, the corners of his mouth only twitched slightly. He stopped though and turned around, waiting for Lily to catch up with him. When she did, she immediately hooked their arms together. He rolled his eyes at her, signaling that this really wasn’t his style, but she just smiled and didn’t care. If he was completely honest, he didn’t care either - it was nice to have his best friend holding on to him, as if he was someone that actually mattered.

 

“Sev, have you thought about summer already? We should do something together, the three of us,” there was no need for her to specify who the third would be, there was only person she could mean. “After summer our fifth year will start and we’ll have to be all boring and studious if we want to get our OWLs. So why not go all out this summer? Say yes, please, Sev?”

 

“I don’t…”

 

“Please! I’ll have to spend all summer in the same house as Petunia otherwise! She goes on and on about what a freak I am, and now she’s met this boy, Vernon Dursley - can you believe someone actually thought that is a nice name to have? - and he is even worse than she is. Please Sev, you’ve got to save me from the torture!”

 

“Lily…” it wasn’t like he didn’t want to say yes. In fact, everything within him screamed for him to agree. It was just that it sounded too good to be true. There was no way they would actually be able to pull it of. They were all just fifteen years old, after all. Not that his parents cared, but the other’s would. They wouldn’t let their children go away somewhere for the summer, no matter how much Lily dreamed and planned. So he didn’t want to get his hopes up for something that would never happen. He let her go on, trying to persuade him though, as her enthusiasm made her green eyes shine with such joy that almost made Severus believe life would turn out okay after all.

 

When they reached their destination, a small classroom on the third floor that no one had used for ages, she stopped and smiled at him.

 

“I’ll be in the alcove on the opposite side, okay? I’ll see and hear if anyone comes close - you have the charm I gave you? It will flash with green light three times if activated so that you’ll be warned.”

 

“Thank you. What would I do without you?” he almost smiled at her this time. She hugged him close, as she was prone to do, and he let her. He couldn’t believe he actually had a friend like her. That fact alone made his life happier than he had ever thought it would be. As she settled down in the small alcove, her history of Magic-textbook in front of her, Severus entered the abandoned classroom.

 

As soon as the door closed behind him, he was caught into a tight embrace. He sighed contently and his eyes closed as by themselves when their lips met. Remus’ lips were slightly chapped, but that didn’t bother him. When he felt Remus nibble softly at his lower lip he couldn’t help but let out a small gasp, thus allowing the other boy entrance.

 

The kiss was soft and strong at the same time. They tasted each other deeply, with a fervent hunger and need, but still keeping the kiss slow and languid, wanting to savor each moment, making the kiss feel like it lasted forever. As they kissed, Sevrus was running his hands through Remus’ hair - it was softer than it looked. He had let it grow out somewhat this year and Severus loved to tug at it lightly, thus making the other boy gasp in approval. Remus’ hands were gripping him tightly, holding him close as if he was afraid he would disappear if he let go even a little.

 

They were both breathing heavily when they finally let go of each other’s lips. Remus’ hands stayed on Severus’ hips though, and they rested their foreheads against each other’s.

 

“I missed you,” Remus whispered, not having the strength to talk louder.

 

“We met yesterday. We’ve had classes together today,” he couldn’t help his snide answer, even though he had missed Remus just as much - if not more.

 

“You know what I mean, it’s not the same thing. I wish it didn’t have to be like this. I wish I could just go up to you in public and…”

 

“Well, we can’t,” he interrupted, hating that he sounded so uncaring and strict. Why did Remus even want to be with him?

 

“I know, I know. I still wish… Don’t you wish?” Remus was looking at him now, his eyes filled with sorrow. Severus wished there was something he could do to make him smile instead.

 

“I… I don’t spend time on wishes,” he cringed on the inside at his words. What was wrong with him? Why couldn’t he just comfort his boyfriend, tell him the truth: that he dreamed of it every day?

 

“Sev, it’s okay. I understand,” Remus was now smiling sadly at him. “I’m with you because I like you just as you are. My very own broody, always so bloody serious, moody and sarcastic Slytherin,” his eyes twinkled.

 

“Gryffindors,” he couldn’t help but grunt out with a small smile in response. “Always so eloquent with words. Lucky me.” Yes, lucky indeed. He wouldn’t believe it himself, if he wasn’t here with Remus right now.

 

Remus lifted his hand and run it through Severus’ long locks of hair. He gestured at the wall behind the counter and they sat down next to each other, their sides touching.

 

“Lily’s outside?” Remus asked.

 

“Yeah.”

 

“She’s been talking about this summer, hasn’t she?”

 

“Of course. She has for the lest two weeks now.”

 

“You do plan on agreeing eventually, don’t you?” Severus just looked at him. “Sev, believe in it. We will be able to arrange it. Don’t worry. Let yourself believe, okay? Not all has to be doom and gloom.” Remus was smiling imploringly, threading his fingers through jis. Lily with all her persuasion skills wouldn’t be able to get him to agree, Severus knew that. He was helpless against Remus though, and he felt himself nod against his better judgment. The joy on Remus’ face was worth it. Even if it would all go to hell later, he would always have this moment. He would have the memory of how Remus looked at him, eyes beaming with joy as he thought of the summer they would spend together.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, so sorry for the delay in posting. I could give a zillion reasons, but that would only be excuses. Valid ones, but still. I should have made more time for writing. Not just for the sake of posting, but because I really enjoy writing and should make time for it more just for the sake of Me...
> 
> Anyway, I figured one problem was that I had this story all planned out. It was a first for me, usually I have just started writing with no clear idea on what would happen. I'd just let the story take me where it would go. Apparently, that is the way to go for me, as I found that having actual plans for what would happen in the story did not help me with avoiding getting stuck, instead it got me all stressed out as I felt that I could not be freely creative. So, I guess I'll just throw out my plans for this story, and from now on I'll just write and see where it leads. That's the reason I'll be rewriting the warnings in chapter one, as I no longer have any idea whether or not the story will unfold that way.

_April, 1975_

_Severus' POV_

 

“Sev?”

 

“Mhmm?”

 

“There’s something I should tell you. Before summer is here, I mean. So that you know. When we’re out at our cabin.”

 

“If we get there.”

 

“We will. Believe it Sev. Nothing is going to go wrong. You, me and Lily. We’re going.”

 

“And what about your mates? ‘ _The marauders_ ’?” Severus couldn’t keep the contempt from his voice. Not that he tried that hard. He still had the bruise on his thigh from where Black had ‘accidentally’ hit him with a stinging hex earlier in the day. Not that he’d tell Remus about it. Black and Potter were Remus’ closest friends after all. If he knew just how much they hated Severus, he just might take their side. He knew he would - who wouldn’t? He had listened to his father telling him how useless he was all of his life. How no one would ever want him. He knew he should tell Remus all of this, to open his eyes to the truth. He was selfish though - he wanted to keep Remus for just a little while longer. Even if it meant deceiving him.

 

“The marauders take a vacation in the summer,” Rem answered, smiling. He was used to Severus not liking his friends, and understood some of the reasons why even though he thought they should just get to know each other better. “We owl at times, but won’t get together until we’re back for our fifth year. You’re running out of excuses. This summer will happen, and we will have fun and,” his face turned serious again, “there is something about me you should know before that.”

 

At the intenseness of his words, Severus turned around to face his boyfriend. Remus was looking down at his hands, that were fidgeting around, tugging at his tie from nervousness. Realizing this was not the time for snark, he reached out his own hand to rest it on Remus’ shoulder; to help ground and steady him. Not knowing what to say, he opted for quietly waiting as Remus gathered his nerve. Finally, he drew in a deep breath and looked up, meeting Severus’ eyes.

 

“You know how I told you that me and my family, we’ve moved around a lot, yeah?” he started, waiting for Severus’ confirming nod before continuing. “I never told you the reason though. I let you believe it had something to do with my father’s work,” he sighed and his voice faltered. Like a brave Gryffindor, he continued on, even though there was now a rough strain to his voice. “It wasn’t though. We moved because of me. We moved so that the neighbors wouldn’t find out the truth. The truth that I now will tell you, that not even Lily or my other friends know. Only Dumbledore.”

 

“Remus, I…” Severus started, wanting to say something to tell Remus that no matter what it was, he’d be there for him. He’d keep the secret. Remus silenced him with a small, sad smile and a dismissive gesture.

 

“I want to tell you Sev, because I trust you. I’ll have to tell Lily as well before the summer, but you I’d tell anyway. I don’t want to hide it from you anymore. You should know exactly who you are dating,” he looked grim, before correcting himself, “exactly _what_ you are dating.” He stopped for a moment, finding Severus’ eyes with his again. With a steady gaze now, he held Severus captured in place just as efficiently as if he had bound him. “When I was a kid, a werewolf named Greyback bit me as a way to take revenge at my father. Severus, I was infected. I’m a werewolf.”

 

Severus reeled back as if hit, but his eyes never left Remus’. He gasped for breath, and staggered for a bit, trying to process what Remus had just told him. He kept looking at his boyfriend, trying to will him to reveal that it was all a joke that Severus just did not understand, but the look on Remus’ face told him he was speaking the truth. He gulped hard, trying to speak but not finding the words. What should one say to a revelation like that?

 

Remus was looking at him intently, clearly nervous and waiting for him to speak. He wanted to say that it was okay. It was not something Remus had chosen, he had been infected as an innocent child. The words stuck in his throat though, and he just stared. As the silence grew between them, quiet tears rose in Remus’ eyes. Still, he could not bring himself to speak. At last, Remus broke the eye contact, closing his eyes shut with a deep sigh, releasing one tear to make it’s way down his chin. Severus followed the path the tear took with his eyes, wanting to reach out a hand to wipe it away. Wanting to reach out to Remus and hold him close. Wanting to, but being utterly unable to.

 

“I… I just… I’m not dangerous. Or I am. But when the moon is full, I have this place that I go to. It’s safe. I won’t hurt you. I’d never hurt you, Sev,” there was desperation in Remus’ voice, and Severus hated himself for not being able to move or speak, to do anything to sooth his boyfriend’s fear and insecurities. “I’d never hurt you, Sev,” Remus repeated, meeting his eyes again. “You do believe me, don’t you?”

 

At last, he managed to nod. The smile he got as a reward from Remus broke his final restraints and he took a step forward, as he had long wanted to. He reached out his hand - the tear was gone from Remus’ chin, but he stroke it anyway. “I’m sorry,” he said, his voice hoarse from emotions he couldn’t begin to name. He didn’t clarify what he was sorry for - sorry for what had happened to Remus, sorry for it taking so long for him to reassure him that it didn’t change anything between them. As usual, Remus understood even the words he didn’t speak though, and the final distance between them closed. When lips found lips their kiss had a new passion to it - a passion born from secrets shared, from the new level of intimacy and closeness that their relationship now had reached.

 

 

* * *

 

_Early August, current time_

 

For a moment after waking up, Severus felt uncharacteristically cheerful as the memory of the dream lingered in his mind. The more awake he became, the more the good feelings dissipated. Remus might not be gone, but it was a lifetime ago since he had been Severus’. Sometimes he almost wished that he wouldn’t have those memories. When awake, he was able to distract himself, but when sleeping his defenses were down. As Potter had moved into the Manor, bringing with him frequent visits by Gryffindors that were to remain unmentioned, dreams about Severus’ past had became more and more frequent.

 

At the time he was making his way down for breakfast, his cheerfulness was completely gone. He barely grunted at Potter who sat at the table with Lily in his lap. The child cooed happily as she nuzzled her tiny little nose against Potter’s chest, making them a sappy sight for Severus to glare at.

 

He had just started in on his breakfast when Draco joined them, soon to be followed by the older Malfoy’s, making the collection complete. As usual, breakfast seemed to be a quiet affair, even with them all there, as none of the Malfoy’s could be accused of being a morning person and Potter seemed to suffer from a constant lack of sleep these days. That suited Severus just fine, in fact they should all be quiet all the time in his opinion.

 

He was just about to excuse himself and leave the table when it happened. He was just about to push the chair out when there was a small shimmer and then a slight weight filled his arms. Looking down at his lap in astonishment, he found himself looking into the green eyes of baby Lily. Freezing in place he carefully took a better hold of the trusting baby, as not to drop her, all the while being bombarded with memories of his long gone best friend. He had thought about getting up and giving her back to her parents, but he found himself just holding her closer - she might have the Malfoy colors otherwise, but her eyes where just like her father’s, making them just like her namesake’s as well.

 

Hardly aware of the astonished looks exchanged between the others in the room, Severus found himself smiling gently down at the small child. Little Lily cooed once more before promptly falling asleep in his arms. As she closed her eyes, he once again became aware of his surroundings. He felt heat rising to his cheeks as he saw Cissa looking at him with her head cocked to the side, smiling. Lucius had just raised an eyebrow at him, but the amusement behind the small gesture was clear to Severus. Potter and Draco were both just gaping at him. Severus straightened his back and prepared to get up and return Lily to one of her parents, but was immediately hushed at to stay seated.

 

“Please, Severus! She has been up all night. We’ve been trying to get her to sleep, but nothing has worked. Can you just sit with her for a short while at least? Just so that she’ll get into deep sleep and then we’ll take her. Draco can go check on your potions, if there is something that needs to be done right now,” Potter was pleading with him in a quiet voice, while Draco nodded fervently his agreement. Severus turned his head toward Cissa and Lucius in a desperate plea for help; they couldn’t honestly except him to take care of a small child? Even if she was sleeping. No help was to be had though, as apparently everyone thought Potter’s plea to be a good idea. Resigned, he remained seated where he was as the baby slept on and the others ate while constantly throwing amused and astonished glances in his direction. He made it a point to glare at them in return.

 

When the older Malfoy’s left, Potter and Draco exchanged a few quiet words before approaching him.

 

“So,” his godson started, “we think if you get up carefully, you could move to sit with her somewhere more comfortable.” Severus stared at him in reply.

 

“I thought you said you’d take her once she is deep asleep. She’s deep asleep,” he tried to make his voice as fierce and demanding as was possible while still keeping it low enough not to wake the baby.

 

“Yeah,” Draco’s voice drifted away as he looked over at Potter, who looked everywhere but at Severus. Turning back to face him, Draco continued “we talked it over with Harry, and we’d really, really appreciate it if she could continue to sleep in your lap. She’s been waking us up all night long, we’ve gotten no sleep at all and well, she’s finally sleeping now and we’d really not like to risk her waking up. Please, uncle!”

 

The ‘please’ was so uncharacteristic of Draco that Severus found himself reluctantly agreeing. Carefully he rose to his feet and made his way back to his own rooms, where he sat down in his chair in front of the fire. He levitated a book over and spelled it to hover in the air before him so that he could read without bothering the child.

 

“Do any of your potions need looking to,” Draco asked. He and Potter had quietly followed him. Severus shook his head. There would of course be a delay in his days work, but none of the potions where in a critical phase at the moment.

 

“Okay, we’ll just…” Draco paused. “Go rest then. Call for Memma when Lily wakes up, okay.” Potter was already halfway through the door and Draco right behind him when the words registered with Severus.

 

“What?!” he almost shouted out before remembering to keep his voice low. “You’re leaving me with, with her? I don’t know anything about this kind of… babies!” he almost got back up, desperate to give Lily back to her parents.

 

“You’ll just call for Memma if there is a problem. We really, really need to sleep. Please, uncle Sev!”

 

“Please, Severus! It would be a great help. If you could just this once look after her?” Potter was adding his plea to Draco’s. Severus sighed. Looking down at the sleeping infant, he nodded reluctantly. Her parents were out the room before he looked up again.

 

Looking back down at the peacefully sleeping baby, he quietly shook his head to himself in wonder. Of all the things he had ever thought possible, this was not one he’d considered very likely. He’d never been very fond of children, not even when he himself had been one. Still, there was something wondrous about holding onto this tiny little human being, sleeping so soundly in his arms while trusting him to keep her safe based on no reason at all. The book forgotten before him, Severus’ mind wandered, trying to imagine what that would be like: to trust completely, without given a specific reason to. He wondered what his early childhood had been like, at what age he had had to learn that not everyone was worth his trust. That almost no one was worth it, in fact. For the life of him, he couldn’t remember. He only remembered the first time he had met someone he actually could trust - baby Lily’s grandmother. Before that, there had been none. He guessed he had been trusting when born, but suspected he had quickly learned better.

 

Sighing quietly, he looked down at Lily making a silent promise to her and to himself that she would have him to trust. He might not be able to shield her from all the bad in the world, but he’d be there when she needed him. He stroke her forehead softly, careful not to wake her. He might be an old grump and broken in ways too bad to fix, but he’d be damned if he’d ever betray this girl’s trust. He settled down in his chair and levitated the book to a better position, making sure baby Lily was comfortable before settling down to read, prepared to stay there with her for as long as was needed.

 

* * *

 

 

_October_

 

“Are you really going to leave _my grandchild_ with _him_?” the snotty voice of Sirius Black carried through to the sitting room, where Severus was currently occupying a comfortable chair with a sleeping baby Lily in his arms. “You can’t think that old Snivellus can possibly be competent enough to care for a child?” he continued with distaste clear in his voice.

 

Severus tried to ignore the stupid mutt. Since that first time Lily had apparated into his arms and fallen asleep there, she had done it again and again. He put up a front that should tell everyone what a great inconvenience this was for him, and how he loathed spending any time at all with the baby. He could only hope that they were fooled, even though he had to admit to himself at least that even the thought of Potter or Draco actually listening to Black’s concerns made him worry. Even now he knew he should have wanted to take revenge at Black, but the tiny, warm body in his arms reminded him of the fact that the mutt was only jealous. Lily had not apparated into his lap even once. In fact, she seemed to only ever apparate to either of her parents, or then to Severus. The reason behind that was beyond everyone, but they had come to accept it - although Severus only behind a mask of suffering.

 

Lily had chosen to trust him, and there was nothing Black could do about it other than rage. Severus listened to him being petty and whiny as usual, and to Remus’ soft voice trying to soothe and talk some sense into his lover. Good luck with that, he thought with disgust. All traces of sense had been lost from that fool ages ago.

 

He could hear Potter come to his defense as well, to his astonishment. He hadn’t thought he’d ever live to see the day that Potter would defend him against his oh so beloved godfather slash pretend grandfather of his child. Severus smirked to himself. He really would have liked to have been able to see Black’s face when Potter had told him off.

 

The voices became more distant as they probably were walking toward the main doors. This day it wasn’t Lily who had chosen his lap to sleep in, rather he had been approached by Draco and Potter, asking him to care for their child as Potter wanted to go on some secret “ _Gryffindorian quest_ ” with Black, Lupin, Granger and a bunch of assorted Weasley’s. Draco being busy joining his father at a business meeting left no one to take care of the child except Severus or Cissa. Although Cissa would have been more than happy to take care of Lily, Severus was, as Potter had put it, Lily’s favorite choice. After making a show of how inconvenient this whole thing was, he had agreed, secretly pleased to spend yet another day reading.

 

A mocking voice inside his head told him he was getting lazy, but it was quickly silenced as even if it was true that he hadn’t spent as much time in his lab as he used to, he was still well ahead of his planned schedule, and he was catching up on his reading - the piles of books waiting for his attention had just kept growing over the years, and now he finally had a chance to make them shrink at least a little. The book currently holding his attention, _Sir Bickley’s Assembled Notes and Theories Regarding the use of Alabaster Powder in the Making of the Most Potent of Potions_ , might be a couple of centuries old, but had this far given him a handful of new ideas he was eager to try out. No, even though he might now spend a couple more hours away from the lab than he did before, he refused to call these hours a waste.

 

* * *

 

_December_

 

As Christmas neared, Severus found himself settling into his new life at the Manor. Potter was still Potter, he just couldn’t bring himself to call him Harry, but they got along okay. He knew Lily had a great deal to do with that. For whatever reason - if babies did anything because of any reason - she had chosen to trust him as a substitute caretaker. If anyone had told him a year ago that he’d be regularly taking care of a small child of his own free will, he’d have hexed them out of plain derision for even suggesting something that unthinkable. Yet, here he was, taking care of Lily at least twice a week and not even bothering to put up a front of complains about it any longer.

 

Granted, the clear envy on Black’s face when he saw Severus with Lily was a bonus that made it all extra sweet. Black tried to win Lily over, but to no avail. No matter the amount of sweet talk, she just wouldn’t apparate to Black, not would she let him hold her without starting to wail in that glass-shattering pitch of hers. As she usually let all the other frequent visitors, and the elder Malfoy’s, hold her, there was many theories as to why she wouldn’t accept Black. Severus just figured her to be born with the ability to detect intolerable bastards.

 

For the Malfoy’s - and Potter - the Christmas season was a busy time. Potter grunted and complained in displeasure, as he was required to accompany his new family on countless events. Severus smirked to himself and counted himself lucky - he might be as one of the family, but as that was in an unofficial capacity, he was freed from the obligations to attend the tirade of balls, galas and fairs hosted by this and that highly regarded family that Lucius felt they needed to attend.

 

There was only one event that he couldn’t possibly escape: The Malfoy Yule Ball. The event of the season that everyone who thought they were someone wanted to be invited to. Everyone would be talking about it for weeks, if not months afterward and the mere mention that someone had been seen there would bring them a moment in the spotlight. People were actually fighting for the invites. Except for Severus. He would have gladly found any other place to visit, but Lucius, the bastard, had sweet-talked him into agreeing to be there.

 

It would be a day filled with happy people who'd be dancing, drinking and being merry.

 

It would be hell.


End file.
